The Crane Fly

Way back in the day, Shakespeare said that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. You probably recognize this as a quote from a play about two infatuated rich kids who make a suicide pact because their parents don't get along (for some reason, their respective servants also don't like each other). Hey teenagers: want to get Ro-Ro & J-WoW banned from your school? Tell an administrator that Tybalt and Mercutio were BULLYING each other! I have a hard time with the idea that Shakey (or the woman who wrote all his plays - whoa!) was oblivious enough to the power of suggestion to really believe that anyone would make a bouquet out of "rotty fart-nettles" or "dookie-stink flowers" if the word "rose" had instead been passed over. Some other flowers you don't often see on the florist's delivery list: monkey-faced pansies (in flower-language, these say it's not you, it's me...in that I don't find you attractive), black-eyed susans (sorry about our last fight), bleeding hearts (everyone is entitled to their opinions and you are apparently entitled to the wrong ones), naked ladies (let's not make this relationship into more than it is), and cock's combs (the pharmacy sells a shampoo that'll clear that right up). However, I do think that a 13 year old rich girl with feud-prone (and dowry-hungry?) parents in an environment where gangs of other well-heeled teenagers walk around with swords and kill each other (sometimes for pretty minor slights) might be misguidedly idealistic enough to believe this.

I have many nicknames, but I prefer to be called Crane Fly. You
know, like the bird? You might notice that I'm one leg short of a
six-pack. This is the result of a defensive strategy called autotomy,
where limbs are easily detatched. I assure you that the
photographer had nothing to do with this, though.

Like flowers, names also affect how people view bugs (is it a Roly-Poly or a Woodlouse?). In my opinion, one of the most interesting instances of bug name-confusion is that of the "Daddy Long-Legs." Due to the magic of time, geography, and linguistic evolution in general, the term "Daddy Long-Legs" is used to identify 3 very different bugs (perhaps more?).

I grew up using "Daddy Long Legs" to refer to Harvestmen. If you're not familiar with these creatures, here are some quick facts. Their chelicerae (the stumpy face-arms that spiders' fangs are mounted on) typically bear tiny crabby-claws instead of fangs. Taxonomically, they're Opiliones - they're typically considered to be more closely related to mites and scorpions than spiders. Relative to their body length, they have some of the longest penises in the animal kingdom - like a bunch of little Ron Jeremys. And since you won't stop asking me about Harvestman penises, the (inherently incomplete) fossil record has Harvestmen as the first land animals to dress to the left or right.

 

So, obviously, I didn't take this lovely photo of a

Harvestman. I realize that it's kind of lame to use a

ShutterStock photo here and I think my laziness may

have offended some Harvestmen who don't deserve

the injustice of my neglect. It's worth noting though,

that the returns from searching ShutterStock for

"Harvestman" include a picture of a Crane Fly and a

picture of a Cellar Spider at the bottom of the first page

and searching for "Daddy Long Legs" returns this

pic followed by three pics of Crane Flies.



We Cellar Spiders don't have as many nicknames as
Crane Flies. But we do have other things going for
us - for example, haunting your nightmares!
Picture, if you will, you're a 10 year old you, holding
hands with your elementary school crush...something
catches your eye...when you look back over, you're
now holding hands with a giant ME! But your legs
aren't working and I'm about to go CRAZY!
Sweet dreams!

But as it turns out, not everyone who says "Daddy Long Legs" is referring to Harvestmen. This term can also refer to Cellar Spiders (Pholcids, such as the female Pholcus phalangioides shown at right) and Crane Flies. This over-use of a silly name has had the obvious result: confusion.

One of the most widely known bug myths is that Harvestmen ("Daddy Long Legs") are actually the most poisonous types of spiders, but their fangs are too small to bite people. This is wrong for at least two reasons - which would normally make it right, especially if you're discussing current events with someone who gets all their news from a source that seeks to merely validate the existing opinions of its target audience. The first reason is that Harvestmen aren't spiders, don't have fangs, and aren't poisonous - this myth actually is about Cellar Spiders, but it's been applied to Harvestmen. A version of this myth has also been applied to Crane Flies, but to a much lesser extent. The second reason is that, even if you're talking about Cellar Spiders, it's incorrect. In the early 20th Century, it was reasoned, rather than researched, that because Cellar Spiders commonly eat other spiders, they must be the most venomous (the venomousest?). As it turns out, their venom works well enough to get the job done on spiders and other basement bugs, but is fairly innocuous to people. Further, an adult's fangs are able to bite and deliver that venom to a human. 


When it comes to biting, Crane Flies are also often misunderstood. Many people reason that since they look like giant mosquitoes, they must be capable of giving you a giant mosquito-bite. Luckily, if you're bite-prone like me, this is very incorrect. Crane Flies do not have biting, piercing or siphoning mouth parts (they also don't have French-kissing mouth parts, but don't ask my how I know this...). Most Crane Flies do not eat at all as adults. The relative few that do eat as adults prefer flower nectar to blood.

But back on the naming thing - when it comes to strange nicknames, Crane Flies should win some sort of award. The most common pseudonyms I've come accross for Crane Flies include "Mosquito Hawk," "Skeeter Eater" and similar variations. "Skeeter Eater" is just misleading since, if they eat anything at all, it isn't mosquitos. I kind of like "Mosquito Hawk," but this name can also be misleading. A less common name is "Gallinipper." I'm not sure if this name is supposed to imply that Crane Flies bite chickens or just that they're bird-sized mosquitoids, but it's a funny one. Another name, which I suspect evolved from "Gallinipper," is "Gollywhopper." Gee-willikers - I think maybe Dennis the Menace froze a "Gollywhopper" into an ice cube to plant in Mr. Wilson's lemonade! This, of course, would have landed him straight in juvie. There are many species of large Crane Flies, like the one photographed here. But there are also many species of small, more mosquito-sized Crane Flies. Because of many of these small species' flight patterns and habit of dancing around like a little kid who has to pee, once they land, they're sometimes known as "Bobbing Gnats." Their subterranean, often semi-aquatic, larvae also go by a unique name: Leatherjackets. If you do a Google search for "leatherjacket," big-G will insist that surely you would prefer to see "leather jacket." But a few pics of these lovely little goons will still pop up among candid shots of Georgina Sparks and Nicole Richie.

This Crane Fly is definitely from the genus Tipula, but it's definitely not T. oleracea or T. paludosa - which are two common pest species imported from Europe. The larvae of these species (which look like leathery grubs) feed on the roots of grasses and cereals. By cereals, I mean things like barley and wheat - not so much Cookie Crisp. Speaking of which, did you ever actually try to eat the "balanced breakfast" that General Mills would flash at you? Most kids simply can't eat that much food (needed to offset the bowl full of cookies that jr. just ate for breakfast) because most kids simply shouldn't be eating Cookie Crisp (cue: childhood obesity). And since we're talking about our various Cookie Crisp grievances, the Cookie Crook (maybe his dog Chip, too) needs to get a life coach or something, because nothing about his M.O. makes sense (why are you always trying to steal cookies from a police officer?!). Identifying Crane Flies to the species level can be difficult because there are so very many of them (500-1000 North American species). Some of them are more easily identifiable by unique markings or bright colors, but that's not the case for this one. He's a pretty good match for a male Tipula paterifera (wing venation, number & color of antenna segments, body coloration & markings, thoracic architecture, layout of facial features, etc.), but he could be a better match for something else and I'm not going to attempt a more definitive classification.

The halteres act as vibrational gyroscopes. During flight, the Crane
Fly flaps them vigorously, causing them to vibrate. Like a spinning
gyroscope's angular momentum causes it to resist off-axis
movement, vibrational waves carry a sort of angular momentum,
as well. They typically vibrate their halteres so that each one's axis
of vibration is perpendicular to the other and the length of the fly.
Think of looking into the fly's face - from this view, each haltere
will vibrate along the shape of a backslash or forward-slash...Now
that you're all asleep, I'll be quietly robbing you...and apparently
making a public, internet confession! Dang-it! Total Cookie Crook
move!

One cool thing you might notice in some of these pictures are the little doo-dads poking out where the Crane Fly's hind wings are supposed to be. These are called halteres. They're common to all flies and their kin, and are believed to be evolved from the hind wings of some ancestral bug. Crane Flies have exaggeratedly long halteres to match their other exaggerated proportions. Crane Flies are not considered to be good fliers (especially compared to some of their future-tech-packed relatives, such as House Flies), but they do better than one would otherwise expect. This is because the halteres aid greatly in flight stabilization  especially in controlling pitch and yaw (for you aviation enthusiasts).

So now that you're no longer afraid of Crane Flies or Harvestment ("fear, itself!" Am I right, FDR? Up top!) you can now go out and appreciate these more. The one I caught is a bit drab, but the close-up view is pretty interesting. You can check out more pics of this Crane Fly, including some even closer up, in my Flickr photogallery. Unfortunately, you might also be more afraid than you were before of Cellar Spiders. Despite their not-very-vemomousness, this probably isn't a bad thing because they're creepers. When I imagine what kinds of things they would say, it's usually some superposition of The White Cobra (who threatened to always be lurking just out of sight, on a season 23 SNL skit) and The Gravemind (the malevolent "monument to all your sins" who spoke only in rhyme, in the Halo videogames). I'll eventually get around to doing a full post on them.

Thanks for reading! Comments always appreciated!

They call me quiet girl. But I'm a riot, yeah. Maybe Jolisa - that's not my name! That's not my name!

 - The Ting Tings, 2008